Fear, Loathing, & DIY

A bench, a deployment, and a thesis started over again

December 19, 2014 by Kirby | 1 Comment

image2Oh–I probably should not have made this bench but I know why I did it. I’m in the same awful fit of avoidance and mania that happened over the summer once K had to go back to base in NC and I had to start working on my thesis. I did so many awful things: vinyl taped my bathroom floor, made a couple pallet shelves, painted my bathroom, painted a stupid accent wall in my kitchen. It was a fit. I was in a fit. I couldn’t stop obsessing over things, and my hands couldn’t keep to themselves. It was expensive. I could not sleep well. It was a chaotic transition, and I feel at it again.

After I spent a month doing random things around the house this summer, I settled down into churning out what would be a 150 pages of my book–a book I am now putting on hold for another project. K left and I was sad. Buying things and making things gave me joy. But the feeling was fleeting. It was temporary. It was a short flutter before I started obsessing over something else to do or make or fix or improve. It was all to avoid the feelings I had over being separate from K. I can’t even pin what those feelings were. Yes, I was sad, but also I was coming down off of the high from living with another human being. With him home there was life in the house. I could speak words to a person as soon as I woke up in the morning! And better yet, I could communicate with someone by not speaking at all, because they were right there.

Those who have never lived alone in a small town while also having to work from that home may not understand the difference being with your partner makes after months of solitude. And just as I got used to forming words again and using my voice as a voice should be used (moderately), I find myself once again alone and on this weird rolling of mania. I only hope after the physical production of this manifestation is done that I get back to my desk and am productive again.


As for the bench, I made it out of scrap wood we had left from the bed. There is still enough left to make another, but I have no need for two right now, plus–I am still a little scared of the table saw.

One Comment

  1. I’m right there with you sista. you’re not alone. cloud hug.

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